yeah....

long time no post i thought i'd update you all. i was talking to sebas yesterday, so who knows i might be friends with him again. i'm kinda sorta dating this chick allison, she's not the hottest chick in the world, and i'm not into like i am emily or was with dani, but since emily refuses to speak to me since our hook up.

interjection--yes i hooked up with emily the girl who claims to hate me to the ends of the earth. it was on the 4th or july we were talking on her front yard and it just kinda happened. no we didn't fuck, but since she CLAIMS to not remember any of it, i shouldve gone for it. jeez the way she was kissing me...i don't care what she says i know she likes me, maybe not LIKE, like me. but she doesn't hate me. but these days all she does is play halo 24/7 and chat with her halo friends who also want to date her, and she's all into them and shit. and it make no sens to me didn't she learn with joe (her ex-"fiance")?! long didstance relationships don't work. didn't work for beth, they've never worked for emily, and me and allison won't work either. --end interjection

i kno this is gonna sound bad but the only reason i let her think i'm her boyfriend is cause i the FTE OG have never gotten laid, and i'm reaching the end of my rope. i don't really want to lose my virginity to her (i hope it won't come to that), but a bj or 2 never killed anybody. the second time we hung out she let me see and play with her boobs. so, yes she's loose. she carries a shitload of condoms in various sizes. so does her bi firend, erica (or maybe with a k), but erica is dating a lesbian has been for the last 2 years. but damn she's fuckin hot. she's 4' 9" i'm 6' 5" i would pretty much destroy her if we did shit. but i met them on wednesday allison dragged me to some youth group it was boring as sawdust. ther was this other hot who was gues what? a lesbian. it fucking sucked there was this other chick there who i wanna get with too. yes i realize i'm becoming a douche but maybe if i could find the right girl for me i wouldn't have these thoughts. i know theres a girl out there that i would wait for, even if it was till she was 85 (not that long hopefully but you know what i mean. and yesterday was kt and sebas's one year aniiversery (lucky vampires). i think dani and evan are getting close to their 6 month mark. so yeah, everone's pairing off. not nearly as bad as last year, but still it's infuriating. i'm running out of time in high school to find my match. but then again i'm not from this state. everyone i hang out with is from here all their mates are from here. i should go back to my birthstate. see if i can find her there. ah, how i wish i could live forever (not not as a stupid sparkly vampire [team jacob fo life]), but maybe as a robot. like terminator only more human, and without the overwhelming need to kill shit. well i'll be looking though next years freshman for my match. i don't kno why people freak out when seniors date freshman, it really isn't that big of a deal as long as they're into each other, it's ok. now seinor and freshman hookups....slightly less ok but i cansee why people would hate THAT. in other news i have an ipod touch, since my old mp3 play got dropped in the rain and no longer works. i like it. so yeah that's about it. but all i know is if emily would go out with me, i'd totally drop allison. auriel would say i'm pulling a sebas, but i disagree. i tihkn as disfunktional as their relationship can be at time (i nearly broke knukle one time it infuriated so much) i am forced ot admit that he does love her, inhis way.