*sigh*

well i'm caught between a rock and a hard place. you see, one, i'm pissed off. last night me and a bunch of friends spent the night at kt's house. you know what was happening the same fucking night? "the best paty to ever be thrown" is what was happening. and you know what i did? i stayed out at kt's house because otherwise beth wouldve been really sad. and you know what it wasn't bad. and you know what i go home next day and beth all sad and shit cause i can't go to cantril (or cantrel, or kantrle, i don't fucking know how the fuck it's spelled) which is wheree this "rendezvous" thing was happening. but i couldn't go cuz i was grounded. so after i go get some of the sleep i shouldve got on saturday, i talk to sebas online and we go meet up at adam's house and i play magic (mtg, yes i play magic, i have not done so in a while, but i might get back into it) with them for a while. about halfway thru the game sebas leaves to go hang out with kt, when our game is done like 15 minues later, i go out to kt's house and i speed the hell out there becuz for SOME reason i'm kinda ticked. so i speed out there at about like 60 mph (idk how fast but fast enough), i get out there beth greets me she's all nice and shit. i then go inside to see if anybody had seen my walet, and kt's all like "if you were coming out here why didn't you give him a ride?" and i say "he left like 20 minutes before the game ended" and then you know what they're all having dinner and shit and i spy this bottle of like captain morgan's and i'm like can i try some and karla says no, being the responsible parent she is. but that's not the part that annoyed me. it's what sebas said that fucking set me off. he all like "no considering how it affects you" and i'm like it doesn't affect me that bad and kt and sebas are all like "YES IT DOES" and you know, i don't wanna get into this disscussion again with them becuz i'd probably end up throwing sebas thru a window or something. so you know what i did? i just sat there and grinded my teeth. beth wanted me to stay so as soon as the show we we're watching ended i got as far away fomr there as fast as i could. you wanna know why it annoys me so much? it's because sebas claims to have a higher alcohol tolerance than me. i keep telling him i would be happy to have a drinking contest with him to prove him wrong. i could waste him. i have problems with alan or shay because shay is he's what beth calls "perma-drunk" but honestly i was half joking when i asked. i can see why kt would freak if i was sebas. but i am mk-mutherfuking-47 i am not her future husband to be. she shouldn't care what i do. she doesn't get to tell me how what affects me. neither does sebass. i am the mutherfucking king! i in this very moment hate everyone and everything. but ya'll woulve been proud of the facade i put on for them all laugh at the funny parts of the show wishing them all good night (even kt and sebas (even though i wanted to yell my fucking head off at them (i still do)))

at any rate this is the downside of me being in a relationship. it uncorks the bottle of suppresed feeling and emotions i have. now i need to bottle everything back up before i do something i regret (but at the time would probably enjoy).

sebas if you read this i'll take you on in a drinking contest anytime your ready

listening to: towards dead end by children of bodom