drumline

this is gonna be short. last nite was my first nite of drumline (since tuesday was that actuall fist nte of drumline) and it was great i'm a snare drummer this year wich rocks. now i wanna figure out how to back up all my apps on my iphone before i update it.....i mean itouch. i downloaded the itouch 3 firmware and i gonna try restoring a 2g itouch with 3g firmware. hope i don't fuck up my itouch again. wish me luck! today i plan to give kt her birthday present. i got her the 6th volume of vampire knight. i know she has al least the first 5 volume idk about the sixth. out of time gottgobye!!!!

2009: the year of delusions

well you all know how like a month or so ago i brok up with beth? well she has a new boy friend who apperently has purosed to her and they are now "engaged." and emily too. she's dating some fucker who live in fucking new mexico. and she's dated him three fucking times already, this is the fourth ( or some shit like that). and i wouldn have any probalem with this except beth's new fuckwad-doucheface-assholl-felcher boyfirend talked to me in this whole holier-than-thou attitude so eventually it got me annoyed and he only made me madder from there. beth claims that i'm the worst person in the world which is bullshit she claims she was never into me (more fucking bullshit) she like me she loved me. she said it all the time, and i said it back. because 1. i didn't want to hurt her feelings, and 2. because i thought i loved her too. which i now realize it did but mor as a friend. she also claims that i tried to gey into he pants, MORE FUCKING BULLSHIT!!!!!!!! I DID NOT EXPECT HER TO PUT OUT!!!!! SHE TOLD ME SHE WOULD N'T I RESPECTED AND ACCEPTED THAT!!!!! admittedly i did try to get in her shit once but after that never again!!!! she's at the anger stage in this. she's following a classic model first she got all depressed and shit now she's angry and next she'll probably do depression again. but then again it's the year of delusions. people this year are powerless they have no rationality, they are helpless to love if they love something they're gonna stick with it/them no matter how much it hurts. emily was dating joe before as i said and everytime she dates one of these guys that live s way the fuck away she always ends up depressed. that's how it fucking works. i've at least excepted my lot in life. i will be alone it is destined to be. just as emily and joe are destined to be of and on before she finally closes the door on hime for good. just as kt and brandon were destined to break up, just as dani and evan are destined to have realation by the end o the summer. i know this to be true. i have studies these people long enough to know how these things will end. and i have rarely been wrong. the only thing i don't know are dates. i don't know when these things will happen or how long it will take for the effects of this year to end but eventually before wel all die the universe will fix the calamity that is my high school. but back to my earlier point beth's new boyfriend is a douche. by sebas's interpetation he'd be a bigger douche than fabian, by fabian's interpretation he's a bigger douche than sebas and kirbach combined. by my interpretation he is ( if there was a god he would be) the god of all douches. i'm paradoid now. we exchanged threats before signing off and now i think he's gonna break into my house and break/steal my shit. he could too since beth knows where i live. if he does he will pay dearly. all of my belongings belong to no one but me. but beth did make a point...i don't open up to people. i'm like dani in a sense. i isolate my self in a way i'm not myself. i share myself unintentionaly with everybody (not not sexual) i'm not the type who open up except to one person (she knows who she is) she's my best friend the only person who i tell all of my insignificant fears to. but no one will ever see me for who i truly am. all who know me have cought glimmers or if they're lucky they've seen my true self for a whole minute but the true me. the darkest part of me. will never be seen. the world couldn't handle it. and it is that dark twisted fucked up part of me that will allow me to survive everything the world throws at me. if joe wants to kick my ass? so what i'll beat him harder. if alan wants to take away parts of my life i'll take parts of his too. i don't get even i get revenge. like sasuke i'm an avenger. i was named after a the angel of war the one who banished lucifer to hell. lucifer was his interpretation of evil, my enemies are mine. and perhaps in time i will banish them to hell. for wronging me they will suffer. when i at then end of my- whoops sorry folks unleasinh my inner darkness on you. sorry. it was an accident.

listening to: the sound of the calm before the storm.
feeling: like this year is going to be the most difficult year of my high school career.