sup fools. it me! duh. who else you expecting. -sigh- so im comming to the realization the reason no bitch ever wants to be with me is cause i fuckin dont really ever wanna get laid. and apperently i say that my first time sucked alot. so much in fact one of my friends was kind of bein a cunt about it. its not my fuckin fault i dont get over things but you wouldnt fucking know. you werent there fuck you. i mean hallei. yes the hallei i was tottally crushing on. but shes all hot for some dude that lives 400 fucking miles away and plans to fuck him over xmas break. its cause he's nice or whatever and she likes him but whatever. but i guess better she lose her virginity to him than to me. the collosal sexual failure. but whatever its fine its cool. im jst pissed because i fuvking have to listen to all my friend go on n on n on n on about all theyre great sexual shit. and i jsut wanna jump up and say "fuck you all! i'd have some great fucking sex stories too but pretty much all the girls i dated were the wrong type of girls and all the right ones preffered douchey assholes instead of guys who gave a shit!" AND ITS STILL FUCKING TRUE! not so much with my college friends theyre a bit smarter. except for alex who just got done with a guy who was using her for sex. and its the only dude shes ever fuckd so....yeah. also im issed at my ex brittany. stupid bitch. she doesnt know the difference between filled and filed! i wanna hit her. right in the stomach. if it gives her kid brain damage it would probably make it smater than she is! the stupid cunt fucked me up. and im probably never gonna get over it. ever. girls. suck. and no for the last time you cunt sucking rectal shunts im not going gay. i would have to fucking murder myself. i have no problem with gay ppl. but i couldnt live with myself if i were gay. id have to go kill myself. i need weeeeeeed. it chills me the fuck out. and lord knows i need to chill the fuck out. and it returns me to my former self. the sweet loving bastard i used to be. before i met kt. before i met dani, before i met brittany. i get attached waaaaaay too easy i fucking know that but now i dont get attached at all. so....clearly i have issues but the only way im gonna get rid of them is if i do enough drugs to fry my brain and clear it out like a reset switch. or something. i'm fucking of sick of being the obnocious guy in the corner. but idk how to act around certain ppl. like hallei im fairly certain if i acted around her like i do around alex she'd tell me to fuck off and go away like im certain she wants to most of the time. and now i know what your thinking. "mike get with alex!" nope. not gonna happen. despite have a chest that would put most pornstars to shame (and they are real) she's not that attractive to me. sure she's pretty but just not....that? idk im an ass man and she does not have a ghettto enoug booty for me. im just not sure what to do any more. and scine theyre all leaving in two years by the time im a junior the only person im gonna have left from all my new friends at this skool is ayla, who's incredibly hot but is into matt (another friend of mine) the pretty boy. and it seems like hallei is too sometimes :\ especially when she's drunk, but then again she likes everybody when she's drunk. she can even tollerate me more when she's drunk. buuut since the rocky horror party she thinks im a creeper. which i suppose i was but im still kinda miffed at her for walking out on my birthday party. she and her friend amy left because all my high skool friends showed up. alex stayed, ayla woulda stayed if she coulda came but her and stef had shit to do in des moines. but anyway yeah. girls are stupid. i swear if i ever get engaged i want you to slap me. you know what next girl i date, no matter how much i like her im not saying i love you to her or back until we've been dating at least 6 months. idk how much it kills me or her that's been my problem in all my other relationships i say love you too soon then they lie and say it back or maybe they mean it but they leave me anyway. i cant see myself dating anybody in the near future. cause a. i don't want to, but mostly b. no one wants someone who doesnt want sex ever -.- and then the same bitches complain about how they get fucked and left. but i know as soon as i have someone who will fuck me id robably go for it....thats a lie most of the oppotunites ive had to get laid ive either let pass by or ive fucked up on. i wwas reading an article today about how guys who watch to much porn have sexual performance issues. so to prevent anything like what happend with kt or with brittany again i am hiding all my porn and stopping masturbating (i doubt i can do it but we can always hope.) so...yeah...i hate failing ppl. which is the main reason i dont want sex. i'm sick of failing at it. ive really only talked to one person about it and she said the first couple times is pretty normal and it happend with her boyfriend, but they got better cause they kept fucking. i dint cause my bitch found other dicks to hop on. and you know the reason why i call women buitches is a. cause of rap, b. cause i've been fucked over by bitches alot, and c. bitches are reeeally bitchy. always complainin about something. hell i'm sure hallei's complaind to her internet boy toy about how much i get on her nerves. >:\ and yes i do assume the worst in ppl. its so when they do fuck me over it doesnt suprise me or hurt as bad. some of you might be thinking that's a bad way to live life, but the fact is PEOPLE. WILL. FUCK. YOU. OVER. no matter how good of a friend they are they will fuck you over. either you get over it or you tell em to fuck off. or in my case once you graduate and go to college you stop talking to them. that's what happend with most of the kid in my grade. thats what'll happen when all my high skool friends run off to college or in ally's case move to missouri. i'lll probably never see em again. and speaking of ally. stupid stupid girl. she's dating a guy from her home town which she CLAIMS shes moving back to in a year. and we know she wont. her parents wont let her. and this dude she's never gonna see she's gonna fuck him once when she goes to fucking visit him and probably end up cheting on him like she did with colton and might as well have with adam. once you cheat you dont stop cheating. its a permanent thing. you dont stop it. i know that much. i seen it. ive witnessed it. and with ally she seems to be out to find the dude who can give her the best sex ever. -siiiigh- i fucking hate ppl who date ppl who dont live anywhere near them. it's stupid it doesnt work out. ally should fucking know this. she's done it before. alot. but she's in high skool she's allowed to be stupid. i mean i love her but shit. sometimes you gotta fucking learn. but you dont learn. not in high skool. no one does. you dont learn till you really start living life. going to college working a full time job. untill your out of that shit hole they call a skool; untill your out of that shark pit ful of assholes who are immature and have no sense of loyalty, you dont fucking learn. you cant learn shit in high skool. youre too busy tryna get with the bitch you want, or bein high, or drunk, or taking care of your baby that you had cause you couldnt keep your legs closed cause you let your bf talk his way into having drunken sex with you. how the fuck are you supposed to learn in a shit hole like that? with all that shit going on? with all the fucking drama because ppl are stupid and overeact to every fucking thing. this is why they need to leagalize weed. maybe if everybody was stoned high skool wouldnt be so fucking bad.
well i think im out of material....for now. but i'll be back. probably when im on the verge of a nother fucking meltdown.
gnite you fuckers,
